Lane, My Biggest P.O.S.

My Biggest Pillar of Strength

August 31, 2007, 7:01pm, entering the world 22 inches long, weighing 9 pounds 11 ounces, he became my biggest P.O.S. Just 4 days before, my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I was scared shitless and immediately discovered the task of masking every emotion known to man under a fake smile. I was welcoming a new baby, trying to a girlfriend, support my dad, attempting to have a relationship with my sister who is/was a drug addict and now there was a baby. WTF. But here came this P.O.S. He saved me.

December 2009/January 2010, his dad and I could not get past our difference, both of which we made mistakes in our short marriage and relationship. We were not suited for a forever marriage but for a forever friendship and co-parents. (He is now married to the BEST woman whom I love and adore, amazing Bonus Mom for Lane and has great Bonus kids who are Lane’s siblings.) But during that time at the age of 2, there was my P.O.S. He mustered up incredible strength, bouncing from apartment to apartment, entering several new relationships on both sides before settling into two separate families, still my amazing P.O.S.

May 7, 2012, approximately 6:30am, 4 years old, stirring in his bed, now knowing how in the hell I would tell him, he woke and said in the squeakiest little voice, “Mommy!! Grammy is with Jesus!!” Taken back and fighting the tears, I asked how he knew and he described the most image of the Gates of Heaven, I wish I could have seen with my own eyes. “I saw Jesus carrying Grammy in his arms through a gate. She was wearing all white. AND SHE WASN’T SICK!” There was my P.O.S., saving me as the world I once knew, was forever changed. Jesus had my mom and my P.O.S. had me.

(Something told me to take a picture of him that morning before I spoke to him.)

May 2013, As I married, what I thought was my fairy tale, was right there as the cutest groomsman. Our relationship was the wildest roller coaster from day one, which as a mother, I failed Lane in many ways. BUT, the past is the past and we moved forward. Fairy tales and all. The greatest P.O.S. was right there by my side, as any nervous bride could have on her special day.

April 2016, as I left the only career I had ever known, there was my P.O.S., helping me unload 13 years of memories from my car into the garage, hugging me as I took out each box, praying I had made the right choice. (Which it was for a number of reasons, professionally and personally and profersonally which is a combination of the two). He was there throughout my career travel the next two years to where I am today. My P.O.S. just tags along and enjoys the patch and challenge coins that come with each change! 

(Picture was the night of the celebration when I left GPPD/started Red’s)

February 14, 2018, when I came home to a sudden change in life, my fairytale husband was gone, no flowers, no chocolate but an ended marriage. The one who was there to pick up the puzzle pieces at the end of that day – was the greatest pillar that ever stood.

(Trip to Florida, 2017, when we did everything on our own because our 3rd party decided not to participate. Lane and I had a blast, just prior to swimming with dolphins.)

Today, that P.O.S. stands 5 foot 3 inches and weighs 135 pounds. As he prepares to enter middle school, I am terrified. Due to some unforgettable events from elementary school lingering in my soul, I am scared, worried, concerned and well, just uneasy. BUT his strength cannot be measured by words, weight or volume. For those of you that have not met him, your life is incomplete. He is truly amazing. I am not partial because I am his mother. I am honest. He lights up a room. He loves endlessly. He gives to everyone. He forgives like the Almighty. I would truly be lost without him. My life as been saved by the best P.O.S. ever. 

(Last selfie taken….last night as we were talking about our home projects for our future family plans…..when he said, “Mom, I just want a hug.”)

Lane Marshall Brown, You are my saving grace. I love you tooty. 

Love, 

Mother